A combination of exhilaration and trepidation flood my system in the wee hours of the night, (well, eleven thirty is late for me) as I complete my first academic essay in over ten years. Feelings of pride of what I have achieved (I have also helped my child do his homework, prepared lunches and dinner, washed the boy, cleaned up the carnage from this afternoons events, gone to the gym, done two loads of washing and again cleaned up the carnage of the evenings events) are present tarnished by the grrowing queasiness bubbling away in my stomach. The eternal doubts - What if I've totally missed the point? leading to 'I think I forgot to cover this..- to #$@* I'm totally crap and useless and will make the worst teacher in the world. In a feeble attempt I to try to rationalise the situation by thinking, 'oh the lecturer will go easy on me, its been ten years for goodness sake', until a sickening calm settles on you when you realise that your whole class-nay the entire world, can see your work, and pick it to bits. Frantically I rushed to the kitchen, searching for the secret stash of chockies hidden behind the flour. Too late, some sneaky smurf found them first and has left mummy high and dry. Breathe.....breathe......breathe.....
Okay, so I'm sharing this with you not to show the world my neurosis but beacause I'm asking 'please be kind to me?' when I do eventually publish my conclusion on friday....please???
Only if you share the chockies ;o)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you were describing my week. When I finally hit send a flood of relief washed over me and then panic... that I had done it all wrong and had gone waaay over the word limit. Just remember it's only 20%. Funny thing is the first time round at uni I NEVER cared this much.
ReplyDeleteWell done. NNo time to take a breath as the course keeps marching on.